Marriage Jokes

Jannat aur Molvi

Aik aurat jannat kai Farishtay sai boli:
Mera nikah mere duniya wale shohar sai karwa do
Farishta Bola: Nikah to karwa doon pehlay koi molvi to jannat me aaye.

Difference Between Love And Arranged Marriage

What is d difference between luv marriage and an arranged marriage?
-1st one is a perfect suicide..
-the next one is an arranged murder!

Galat Fehmi

WIFE:kal raat tum neend main mujhe gaaliya de rahe the,
HUSBAND:tumhe galat fehmi hui h.
WIFE:kaisi galat fehmi?
HUSBAND:yehi k main soya hua tha……………!

Airtel Better Ya Hutch ?

Life before marriage is AIRTEL-aisi azadi aur kaha! After marriage is HUTCH- whenever go network follows u.

Wake Me at Six

After a very long , angry and tiring argument, Mr. and Mrs. Williams went to bed saying that they will not talk to each other now. Mr. Williams want to wake up early in the morning, so he left a note on his wife’s side bedtable by writing “Wake me at 6 am.”
When Mr. Williams awoke late at 11 am in the morning he quickly move out of bed to see a note on his bed’s side table:
“It’s 6 am , you bum! Get out of bed!”

Write on the Bottom of Shoes

Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.Besides “Help Me”, other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I’m With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I’m Doomed!)

What will the Neighbors Think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.”It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”"Probably that I married you for your money.”

Wife was Mad at Me

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn’t stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It’s easy! I turn off the light!

Who has the Ring?

When the groom asks the best man for the ring, he turns and nervously says he doesn’t have it, who then turns to the next groomsman and asks the same question, and so on until the last person turns and grabs a giant box of Cracker Jacks that contained the wedding ring.The whole church was rolling as the best man and his co-horts had the last laugh. It was truely classic.

Wedding Preparation Guidelines

Announcement:It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride’s parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).Invitations:Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like “You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000.” will suffice nicely. If you don’t want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell “If you aint doing nothin’ on the 14th of March, why don’t you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o’clock. Me and Jennifer’s having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our weddin’.”Proper attire:For the bride, the key words are “be conservative.” No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is not the occasion to show the world how big “they” are.For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, concider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.The ceremony:No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, “If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony…” tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much.Reception:Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that’s bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!Common wedding questions and answersQ: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?A: Not if you are the groom.Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?A: At least one within a week of the wedding.Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?A: Anything except “Tied to the Whipping Post”.